March 7, 2022

How Not to Find a Date for Friday Night (A Parable)

friday night date parable

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Due to some unforeseen circumstances, a young man stopped dating a couple of years ago. He felt like he needed some time away from the dating scene. And, for more than a year, he did not ask anyone out.

Several months ago, though, he decided it was time to reenter the dating scene. However, he decided to focus on pursuing the women he had previously dated. He thought, “These women said ‘yes’ in the past and I enjoyed their company more than two years ago. Odds are good they’ll want to date me again.” And with that, he decided to reach out to women from his past and try to convince them to come back to dating him.

He began to scroll through the contacts on his phone. The first woman he messaged was Katie. He recalled enjoying time with her and was looking forward to the possibility of reconnecting. He was also pleasantly surprised when she immediately responded. Unfortunately, a date for Friday night was out of the question. Sometime during the last couple of years, she decided to move to the other side of the country. Something about remote work, lower cost of living, more freedom to live her life. More significantly, there was also a new boyfriend.

Then he decided to contact Cassidy. He and Cassidy had gone out to eat a couple of times several years ago. He sent one message. No response. He sent another message. No response. He sent a third message. No response. He tried calling. He tried emailing. He tried placing a yard sign on the corner leading into her neighborhood. “Join me on Friday night!” He even considered mailing her a postcard… and then he remembered it was 2022. All of that, and still no response.

Having given up on Cassidy, he decided to reach out to Brittney. Brittney was a lovely, young woman who had plenty of men pursuing her. Who wouldn’t want to date Brittney?! She was smart. She was attractive. She was fun. He recalled really enjoying the times the two of them had hung out together. Again, he was persistent in trying to connect with Brittney. His hopes were high that he could convince her to go out again. He was encouraged when she promptly responded to his text. Unfortunately, he learned that sometime within the last couple of years, Brittney started dating another guy.

friday night date parable

After months of trying to get women to come back to dating him, the young man was growing discouraged. Who would blame him for that discouragement? 

But he dug deeper into his contact list of previous dates…

Ansley responded with a questionnaire for him to complete. As it turns out, she only dates guys who are willing to fully support all of her preferred  political stances and causes… or at the very least post about those causes on Instagram. 

Courtney indicated she’s meeting other guys through online dating now.

Eileen said she wasn’t interested in dating any guy at this point. In fact, she decided to kiss dating goodbye.

Laura said she was washing her hair on Friday night.

Needless to say, the young man was quite discouraged. He thought the easiest way to get a date would be to convince the women he previously dated to come back to dating him again. It wasn’t working. It turns out that after two years or more of not dating these women, they had all moved on for different reasons.

Thank goodness for good friends. Kyle noticed things weren’t going so well with his best friend’s approach to finding a date for Friday night, so he suggested a change in strategies. Kyle encouraged him to try pursuing women in his life that he hasn’t dated in the past. “It sounds crazy,” said Kyle, “but I think your odds of getting someone to say ‘yes’ will increase if you stop pursuing the women who have already said ‘no.’”

"It may sound crazy, but your odds of getting someone to say ‘yes’ will increase if you stop pursuing the people who have already said ‘no.’” Click To Tweet

Immediately, women who were already in his life came to mind. Veronica at the office. Samantha at the gym. Claire, who he had run into several times at the coffee shop. And on and on. It finally dawned on him. “There are far more women I could ask out if I don’t limit myself to just the women I’ve dated previously.”

For a moment, he considered whether he should focus on asking out women who have never dated before (the “un-dated”) or those women who had some previous dating experience (the “de-dated”). Then he realized it really doesn’t matter as long as they’re not dating someone else and they might be open to going out with him on Friday night.

At first, this new approach to finding a date was very uncomfortable. He learned he needed to know something about the women he was pursuing in order to make a connection with them. He discovered that sometime within the last 20 years, people have started using a hybrid approach to communicating with each other where sometimes the conversation happens in the same physical space and sometimes it happens using devices including video. He found out that many women don’t like to attend a separate Friday school class before they go on dates with him.

As he was trying to get back into the dating scene, one friend recommended he should consider a multi-dating approach where he asks out women in different communities that are within a 20 to 30-minute distance from his apartment. Another friend was very excited about the possibilities of  micro-dating in the future. Yet another friend, let’s call him Calvin, suggested that if it’s God’s will for a woman to date him, that woman will show up at the date on Friday night without his invitation. Needless to say, it’s certainly a new normal for the dating scene.

How Not to Find a Date for Friday Night (A Parable) Click To Tweet

Fortunately, this new focus on reaching out to women he has never dated before started to pay dividends. Yes, several women still turned him down. But other women agreed to go out with him. And, because he’s one of the few Millennial guys who still asks women out on dates, he learned that there’s really not a lot of competition. 

As it turns out, the key to success was engaging conversations with women who he had never met, beginning to learn more about them and then asking them to go on a date. When you do that, the odds of women going on dates with you goes up. Who knew?

That’s the parable of finding a date for Friday night. So, if you have a friend facing a similar challenge, you might want to share this story. And, for goodness sake, stop focusing on dating women who already said “no” and have moved on.

If they decide they want to date you again, they have your number.

Tony Morgan

Tony is the Founder and Lead Strategist of The Unstuck Group. Started in 2009, The Unstuck Group has served 500 churches throughout the United States and several countries around the world. Previously, Tony served on the senior leadership teams of three rapidly growing churches including NewSpring Church in South Carolina. He has five published books including, The Unstuck Church, and, with Amy Anderson, he hosts The Unstuck Church Podcast which has thousands of listeners each month.

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